New Born

New Born, a photo by ☠Pixie on Flickr.

Last post for this 2011. I'm writing at 7.43 in the morning... even though I'm tired I can't sleep, so I though to write something to say goodbye to this year.

This year was: busy, crazy, messy, intense (maybe too much), full of news, I had the opportunity to learn a lot in my school, and I thank my family to help me to reach my goal. Now I think I'm a better photographer (but I'm still learning, I won't never stop learning!!), I think I'm a better person, maybe a little bit too selfish, a little bit too self absorbed, but it's the only way I have to be focused on what I have to do.

And your 2011??? How was it??

I did super important things this year, first of all I started my school, the Academy of Art University, the most important thing I have here, the reason I'm doing what I'm doing. I passed all my classes and this was a very important success for me, as a foreign student I feel double satisfied!

I moved in a new great house, with a lovely roomie (finally!!!!!). 

I grew up in my job and finally I make pretty good money, after one year counting every cent now I feel refreshed!!

I got my 5D Mark ii and the 50mm F/1.4 and now I know I won't never live without.

I met great friends, but also a lot of shit... maybe more shitty people than good ones, but I've learned how to be strong enough to leave everything behind me and keep looking ahead.

I met the guy who knew how to change my life....

I lost the guy who changed my life...

For this new year I already have a pretty big list of goals I must reach.

• buy a speedlite for my 5D Mark ii.
• buy a new lens for my 5D Mark ii (maybe I'm gonna buy the 24-70mm F/2.8)
• buy a pretty good equipment of lights 
• buy a medium format super vintage camera
• get more tattoos (thighs, sleeve)
• let my hair grow
• pass all my classes with A and B only
• lose at least 10 lbs
• forget about what I used to have and I lost and look forward to find something better
• buy more shoes
• aprender español!!!!!
• go to Italy for a real summer experience <3
• never stop taking photos
• never stop being the way I am
• never stop getting better 

And now I think I'll try to sleep a little... tonight it's gonna be a hard night at work...

I wish a great end and an amazing beginning!

love ya bitches!

xxx

E.

Butterflies & Hurricanes

I'm done with today.

I'm done with that fake smile I need to have while I'm working.

I'm done with being nice and kind.

I'm done with that part of me I hate.

Tonight I was about to kill somebody. Why I can't kill stupid people? Why I can't clean the world? 

I don't get it, I think we are too many here... why I can't move on another planet with no idiots around? 

I'm so sick of my job. I'm not a waitress, I'm not a bartender. I'm not able to work with stupid and disrespectful people, I'm sick and tired of saying "yes" when I'd like to flip off my finger instead. 

I'm so done. 

One day everything is gonna be okay. Everything is gonna change. One day I'll be the way I am and I won't care about anybody else, or just the few people I want to care about. One day I'll be strong enough to say NO and give back all the shit I'm taking now....

But now I feel I'm struggling with the part of me who needs this compromise and the other part of me who'd like to give up. 

One day I'm gonna find a way out.

I'm so done with everything today.

VANS are fucking great models!

Today was a productive day! 

First of all was my day off and yes I'm kinda happy,  days off are always a good thing, then I spent most of the time taking photos for my school's assignment. My Visualization teacher had the outstanding idea to give us a project  with SHOES as a subject and nothing better was to me working on this photos, I'm kinda crazy about shoes, they are one of the best way to spend money, they are never enough... so I decided to shoot my new Vans, I had to put my shoes in a situation I thought was interesting, so I chose to shoot my feet floating in the air with a pretty awesome background, an explosion of bokeh!!! 

I was thinking about one of the song I love more "Where is my mind?" by Pixies  because I'm always "with your feet in the air and your head on the ground..." .... maybe I'm a hopeless dreamer but I love to live my life this way :)

About all the rest... school is going well, I love it you already know, all the classes are super cool, but Composition... damn it's such a pain in the ass, but they say I have to so let's kick some asses!

Work is getting better.  I quit my second job, it was impossible, 2 jobs plus school, plus homework, plus photos = NO LIFE. So I decided my life was more important than money and now I'm "free" again. At least I have much time to study and that's the most important thing. 

My personal life is still the same... boring... nothing... an empty book... and I don't have time to write anything on it, maybe now it's better, I have to be super focused on my photography life, that's the first thing, then all the rest... also because I'm amazing to wanting always something I can't have. What should I do? ... I like a robot am not a robot, so it's not that simple to figure it out, but I'm working on it :)

E.

                                 

Some other photos I shot today...

new semester here we go!

..and yes i'm back to school!!! last Friday I officially started my second semester at AAU and I'm really happy and satisfied. I had 2 classes the first day: Visualization and Composition for the artist. Visualization is pretty amazing, I'm gonna study what is behind a photo, the concept behind, the idea a photographer wants to show people with his picture and I'm gonna do every week a different project with a different theme, first assignment is about FEAR! pretty awesome, and today i'm going to shoot something around, i already have some ideas.
Composition for the artist is a little pain in the ass. Basically is english. How to be a good writer. Nothing related to photography but i have to take that class for my bachelor..
Other classes I'm going to take are Color Photography and Photoshop and I'm very happy about my schedule this semester they all look interesting and I'm so excited!!!

This week was super extremely busy, but i like a busy life better than stay home and doing nothing. My two jobs are ok, and i hope i can handle them both otherwise I have to choose.. but now I'm doing fine, i still really dislike my girly dressing for Perbacco but I have to live with them.

Last week and was pretty amazing! Adriano, a friend of mine from high school, came here in SF!!! you don't even know how happy i was... it was like going back in time, i met him when i was 14, we grew up together basically, he is one of my closest friend and now he lives in UK so it's not easy to see each other. Being here together was awesome! I'm just sad i have to wait at least 1 year to see him again :( damn distance! I miss my friends sometimes, I'm a selective person, I don't have tons of friends, but few really good ones and yes i do miss 'em a lot, we are all over the world and Skype is the only way to see each other and talk.. not enough though..

By the way, I'm off today, no work! just relaxing and taking pics, and tomorrow the same :)
thank god i need some rest :)

peace.

Mad World...

I'm still alive :)
finally after 20 days i found some time to write a post on my blog!
My life is going too fast and im always too busy i cant take care of my little diary as id like to...but now im here... so...
my student life is great, i love AAU and even though it's pretty tough im doing all my best, stuying hard to keep my goals, this is all i want and all i have to do, now the most important thing is thinking about my future! 3 days ago i did my first assignment for Fundamentals of Photography and i got an A+ ... you should look at my smiley face at that moment, my teacher told me a lot of great things and i felt soo happy i was almost crying lol and after a good grade my motivation is huge! I'm born to take pics and i dont need anything else :)
My personal life is pretty good...
My sentimental life sucks...
i tried, i was almost happy again.. but i lost it... dont know why, i didnt get it, im so disappointed, so empty, maybe it's true.. im too self absorbed to figure out what other people feels.. it's the meanest thing somebody told me.. cant stop thinking about that, about who told me that.. but what can i do? I'm busy, maybe too busy, my school comes first, i must think about my future, and im kicking my ass to do it.. im just sad because i thought it could works, but it didnt... and i lost somebody i really liked after long time... now im trying to turn the page, but my mind is still there...
But the show must go on... so i'm still running, and running as fast as i can.. i have to leave out all the rest right now, maybe it sounds selfish but i dont have any choice. Me first, my life, my school, my future...got shit to do... then im gonna find time to think about somebody else... but yeah, i miss you... hope to find you again in another time of my life...
Cant never stop thinking about that day... we were sitting in front of each others, looking at each others, and we couldnt do anything, it was the wrong moment, in the wrong place... we were singing that song... together... we were so close... and so far... we were so wrong but it was one of the best moment i can remember...
the more you cant have something, the more you want something...

Project 365...

... how to take a photo a day and see your life in a whole new way.

Im in love for this project (click here for more information: Project 365) and i really like to join it. Do you know it? anybody had already join it? I think it's an amazing idea to take memories of your life every day, to improve your ability with your camera and to share part of you and your life to everybody.
I think im gonna start it, im just scared because it takes a lot of time but id like to try it :)
She is my inspiration and also she's a great photographer: Michelle Huynh.
What do you think about it?

Now i have just to find a good day to start my Project 365 :)

E.

High hopes

... now i know why i cant fall in love for anybody...
cause im already in love with you...

I dont know if you can figure out what i feel...
have you ever found a place where you can be who you really are? a place where you can be complete just because you are free to do everything makes you feel better?
That's why i love this city! That's why i dont think im gonna go back to my country even if i love my hometown, because here i found myself and i spent 27 years of my life looking for the real Eleonora and now i dont wanna lose my freedom again...
i dont know if im 100% happy, but im conscious of me and that's the important now...
maybe it sounds selfish, but for the first time in my life im thinking only about me... and its fantastic!!!!

E.

P.s. Now i can be your friend... and im proud to do it :)