The Cheater

I don't remember if I told you that I have a new house... 

This is my second week from my new bedroom, a huge bedroom with an amazing victorian style window, tons of natural lights and a nice view on the hills of SF.

I love my new place. It's a pretty good size apt in the heart of Russian Hill (yes I'm back to my old neighborhood), I'm lucky enough to live with a gorgeous person also. My roommate is fantastic, too bad we have such a different schedule and it's kinda hard to spend time together because I really like her. A modern bohemian girl, kinda hippie, kinda vintage, she is pretty, and most important thing, she is super into photography like me! should I ask more?

So now I have a new house, a new great roomie, my new camera, a new tripod (fuck yeah!!), and I'm planning a few new things that I'm gonna tell you later.

The only thing I should do to be kinda happy is to find a new job... I'm so done with that place, I can't waist my time anymore. I can stand it anymore, I'm sorry only for the guys who I work with, but for all the rest I really gotta find a new place... I hate restaurants but here it seems to be the easiest place to make money... 

Now let's talk about photos.

The photo I put on my blog today it's a photo I needed to do to remind myself how I love photography, to remind myself who I am and why I'm here. I'm cheating my Canon with this vintage Nikon but only for this photo :P ... Canon is a true, deep love!

Now I have also to remind myself that I'm a photography student and I have finals exams to prepare.

Crossed fingers.

E.

I know the sun must set to rise

I still see your face everywhere I go.

I can smell you, hear you voice. Everything we were is so deep inside me and it doesn't want to leave.

It's been almost 4 months and I'm still here thinking you were the one. But I know I'm damn wrong. You were so wrong. You were a mistake. That's what I'm trying to believe. Maybe one day I'm gonna win this war, because you create a war inside me, and now I'm falling apart. 

I see blurry, nothing is on focus, only your memory is so vivid and it pisses me off. I'm losing. I lost you and now I'm losing myself. 

When will all of this be over? 

If I could I'd like to delete my memory like Clementine. I should hate you. But I only hate myself because I'm not able to let you go, and it's too late. 

I'm under a stormy sky and I'm waiting for the sun. 

Because I know the sun must set to rise...

Butterflies & Hurricanes

I'm done with today.

I'm done with that fake smile I need to have while I'm working.

I'm done with being nice and kind.

I'm done with that part of me I hate.

Tonight I was about to kill somebody. Why I can't kill stupid people? Why I can't clean the world? 

I don't get it, I think we are too many here... why I can't move on another planet with no idiots around? 

I'm so sick of my job. I'm not a waitress, I'm not a bartender. I'm not able to work with stupid and disrespectful people, I'm sick and tired of saying "yes" when I'd like to flip off my finger instead. 

I'm so done. 

One day everything is gonna be okay. Everything is gonna change. One day I'll be the way I am and I won't care about anybody else, or just the few people I want to care about. One day I'll be strong enough to say NO and give back all the shit I'm taking now....

But now I feel I'm struggling with the part of me who needs this compromise and the other part of me who'd like to give up. 

One day I'm gonna find a way out.

I'm so done with everything today.