Freaking out..

Well...I'm still alive, but i'm pretty tired (Forrest Gump docet!) ...

I'm turning into the last two weeks of this first semester and I'm working on my finals, it's tough, i'm stressed out, i'd like to sleep a bit more, i'd like to hang out more and i can't wait to spend some days doing NOTHING! after one year and a half studying no stop i think i need and i deserve a vacation! I don't care where, i only need to rest...

i'm also scared because tomorrow i have my first final test and i don't even know what i have to review, i'm doing again and again all the same things that i'm sick of everything, by the way i hope it's gonna be ok.

I'm also looking for a new job, yeah after one year at Amarena i think it's time to change, i like that place, it's nice and quite but i need more money, my school it's too expensive and i can't kick my ass working only to pay my bills and nothing else.. i need to enjoy my life a bit.. Right now i don't have so much time to think about my social life, yea i hang out but i don't have so much time to do all the things i'd like to do, but the summer break is close and i'm hella happy!

Now other news, i told you my social life is not that good, and i definitely turn the page with him.. i feel sad cause i think i made a big mistake, i overestimated someone who didn't deserve my feelings and it makes me feel really upset with myself.. but we learn from mistakes... i hope...

Sunday morning it happened something fantastic... i spent 3 hours on skype with Roger, i can still feel the same every time i talk to him, almost 3 years ago he made me feel alive again... now i wish to hug him again only for a second and relive all we had that summer, one of the most beautiful summer i have ever had! I hate being so far, but i'm sure we're not going to forget anything about what we felt and still feel for each others..

Anyway... now it's time to cook something... good night fellas! Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!

..all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy..

...this is almost my face right now after I spent the entire day on my books, studying for the midterm, now I'm totally powerless, my eyes are so dry that I can feel my contacts everytime I close and open them, I didnt have time to eat anything, just breakfast this morning, and after all I feel I'm not ready for tomorrow, I'm scared and I dont know really what I'm going to do, it's the first time for me, the only thing I know is that the midterm is damn important... almost like the final exam...
Tomorrow I have Fundamentals of Photography test, Digital Photography on Thursday and History of Film on Friday... History of Photo and Concept will be next week... I'm praying, eventhough I dont know who... just hoping that my brain it's going to work properly tomorrow.
This time of my life is not the best I remember, too many things to do, too many things spinning on my head, too many questions without an answer, I feel like I'm walking alone and I'm fighting for something I'll never have, maybe...
why people prefer playing and hiding their feelings instead of talking to each other and live for real???? I dont understand why and it makes me feel sick!!!!!!
I feel those stupid butterflies in my stomach, but they dont fly, they are biting and scratching me and I cant do anything, everything I do it's not enough...

Please wish me luck for this week :) I need it..
and now I think I need to eat...

E.

get a cupcake!

OMG what a full week!!!! I didn't have time to write anything, actually sometimes I didn't have enough time to go to the bathroom... btw i did too many things this week and of course the most important was the fuc@ing TOEFL test!!!!!! and YEAH I made it!!! after 8 months studing for that damn test I made it, now I dont need to study anymore for ESL class, thank God :)
AAU is gonna start in one week and I'm super excited and a bit nervous... also I'm still looking for a new house, Im going crazy :( I have 15 days to find a new place to live and here it's really hard, SF is amazing but too expensive and right now I'm pretty poor....but I'm not gonna give up, I'll try to think pink...
Yesterday was Cassandra's bday! I spent all day with her, we went to Alamo Square, chilling at the amazing park in front of the Painted Ladies (the most famous houses in SF), and than i took her getting her bday present... a new tattoo!!!!! she is crazy for tattoos like me and we had the idea to get a tattoo together to celebrate her bday and my TOEFL (and my new life...)... we get a cupcake.. it's soo yummy!!!!!!!!! I love it!! (mine is the one on the right side!)
Today I'm off, San Francisco is gorgeous in these days, sunny and super warm, I cant believe is January!!! I'm sorry for you italians, I know the weather sucks over there :P so I'm going to join this fantastic sunny day!!

E.