love is a losing game

"One I wish I never played
Oh what a mess we made
And now the final frame
Love is a losing game"

This is what Amy Winehouse said in one of her song, one of my favorite song of Amy...

Never like in these days I can tell how it's true.. love is a losing game..

after 3 months with no talking and no seeing each others you are here again, why?

I don't understand, really. I don't get people, I think I don't get life.. Now you're moving, and 4 days before you're leaving you are here again.. and i'm so stupid, so vulnerable, so in love with you after all, after the bad words, after the bad moments, after the magic moments, after our up and down, 2 months of love, two of hate... why? why we are still here? I don't get us..

the only thing I know is how everything become invisible when I'm with you, all the rest lose meaning, nothing matters, I feel I could live with anything else...

what should I do? I'm not ready for your move, I can't think we have 3 more days, only 3 more days.. I wish I could keep you here with me I wish I could be so strong to change you and change what is going on, but I can't.. I can't, and it hurts I almost can't breathe.

i think i love you..and i'm losing you.

Mistakes

I always say: God is in the food... after this photo I'm sure you'll agree with me...

And there's nothing better than good, fat, sweet, amazing food, to recover our soul pain. And that's what i ate last sunday for our roommates brunch, awesome.

Sunday night i saw the only person i didn't think to see, the only person I didn't want to see.. and he was right in front of me.. no words, a damn fast look at each others and then nothing. What are we?: nothing. what were we?: nothing.

I made a huge mistake, but i don't have regrets, I did everything I could, I believed for a moment he was the right one, I was wrong, but it doesn't matter, I'm happy to make mistakes, it means I'm alive and I have feelings and I use my heart more than my brain.. but now I really need a break. I need a time to relax and recover. And I will be fixed, again. I can do it :)

I can be the cold and cynical Ele that sometimes I love.

I'm not scared I know, it will be just for a small period of time..

I was talking about mistakes, well I realized almost 2 years ago I chose the wrong cousin..

it's nice talking to you in the middle of the night. It's more than nice teasing you, but it's damn annoying being so far.. specially when you feel so hungry.... right?

Time to sleep, hope to feel better tomorrow.

E.

I love my room!

Finally it's ready!!! I have everything I need in my room... and I love it!!!

After one year and 7 months I could see my room perfect :) Yesterday i went to Ikea and i got a new desk (a m a z i n g) and some other stuff, now I have my work station, damn I spent the entire semester studying on my bed and my poor back is still insulting me, but now I have what I always wanted, a white milky desk!

To be an Ikea desk it's kinda expensive, but whatever, it's more than cute, it's perfect in my room and i feel really proud to have the room i wanted, made it buying everything by myself, the satisfaction is too high :) i feel proud of me when i can do stuff like that...

Now I'm working a lot, my boss is in Italy and i'm working every day (almost without day off) so I saved some money to get my milky desk... now my new goal is a new lens, of course.. damn life why are you so expensive and we have to work as hell to have what we need?

I was thinking that for the first time I miss school... it's weird, I feel weird! I never EVER had these kind of thoughts in my whole life, and now that I'm in summer break I miss having class... I mean, I love doing nothing and rolling my body on my bed, but I feel my life incomplete without the Academy and that's AWESOME!!! I've never been so happy to study and yes it's great!! Of course I didn't stop shooting, I had a great photoshoot last week during a tattoo session, it was so much fun, I can't believe the Blackheart crew let me shoot in their studio, the first thing you read on their wall is NO PHOTO!!! so i felt pretty lucky (you can see some pics on my flickr if you want). Now I'm already thinking about a new photoset, maybe I'll do some self portrait soon, I need to work on new stuff with photoshop and I always prefer to use myself to experiment new stuff ...

Now I can enjoy the rest of my day off (and of course the weather sucks!!! fml) don't know how yet, but I'm glad I can relax a bit..

later people

xoxo

E.